I sat across from my roommate last night. I've known him for less than a month, yet there I was eating a chicken and banana pepper pizza, drinking a beer and fighting back tears.
I told him about how I believe in you, although I don't always agree with you. He told me he was an Atheist.
It hurts me to think about everything I have been through these last 24 years and you have never explained to me why? Was I that horrible of a person in a previous life? I guess our one-sided conversations upset me sometimes, I have no idea if you are really listening to me or just laughing at me and deciding your next move.
I know I don't actually believe you are out to get me but sometimes it's hard to go on and feeling like we have a love/hate relationship gives me hope. It's sick and it 's crazy but in a sick, crazy way, it works for me.
I sometimes feel like I am sitting across from you and between us is a Chess game. Although I claim to be good at Chess, I am not and you keep anticipating my next move and you win, every time. I am sick of losing and honestly I am scared that one day I am going to get upset, kick the board and just watch all of the pieces fall to the ground. We have watched it happen before and I am tired of cleaning up the pieces!
What do I do now? I feel weak, I am sad and I feel defeated.
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