Week One Reflection

I think this class and assignment have come at a bad time for me. I am currently going through a break up, moving to a new place and dealing with issues from my childhood. This last week has made all of these aspects even more difficult for me. But hey, whats another challenge?

For my "spiritual practice," I actually chose two. Meditation and prayer.

Meditation for me came easily. I have chose to sit in front of a mirror and look inward at myself. Physically and mentally. I use to do this for hours as a kid. Back then the time in the mirror would make me feel vulnerable and sad. This time around was no different. For a moment, I wanted to abandon this "spiritual practice," but I think in some way, it will be beneficial to dealing with the stuff I keep inside and hide from everyone.

Prayer was not as easy. Again, reflecting on my childhood, prayer brought me vulnerability and sadness. The only times I would pray would be to ask for my parents not to die, the strength to kill myself or for the pain of my life to stop. After a number of years of realizing prayer didn't work, I gave up. Gave up on prayer and gave up on God.

Back then, my mirror game and my prayer sessions made me hate God. This time will not be the same.